Where are the Bootstraps?

I think I know why we have so many poor people in this country.

Since childhood, I (and probably you) have heard statements including the words "yourself" and "bootstraps." Or, when speaking of someone else, we hear that they pulled themselves up (or need to) by their bootstraps. So, if more Americans would pull themselves up by their bootstraps, they wouldn't have to sponge off the government. Right?

Here's the problem.

I don't own any bootstraps. Do you? Do you even know where to buy bootstraps (and you'd have to buy them, because nobody's giving them away)? I don't either. I just did a pretty extensive search online for bootstraps and all I found were some biker/s&m type things that I don't believe apply in this case.

So, how the hell are people supposed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps if they can't get any bootstraps? Imagine a dialogue like this:

Poor Person: God, I'm so broke. My life is caving in around me!
Disinterested Person: Well, maybe you should just pull yourself up by your Hank Aaron Rookie Card.
Poor Person: Where can I get one of these Hank Aaron Rookie Cards?
Disinterested Person: You should already have one.
Poor Person: I don't.
Disinterested Person: Then you need to get one.
Poor Person: But I don't know where to get one.
Disinterested Person: Then you're just lazy. I knew it! Moocher!


Somebody. maybe Wal-Mart, needs to look into this and import some bootstraps from other countries. I bet China has them! Without bootstraps, I'm afraid, poverty is going to continue to rise.

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